HP Sauce
by Silvawen the Elf Crumpet
Summary: Rated for language :: Self-insertion :: Four friends find a portal under one of the girls' beds. Much chaos and mischief enusues when they meet four young boys at Hogwarts and The Marauders are founded :: First 3 chapters up. Please R&R!
1. Operation GULB

_E/N: So, here we are again with another mindless, pointless, but vaguely witty fic from the Elfster. I have however gone a little different on you all, changing both subject and style. Harry Potter self-insertion. Yeah, I know it's probably been done, like, a million times before, but I wanted to write it, purely for amusement's sake. As far as the title is concerned, the HP is, obviously, for Harry Potter and the Sauce is for all the suggestiveness, smuttiness and swearing that come naturally to my writing. (And for anyone that doesn't know, HP Sauce is a company that makes sauces like tomato ketchup, barbecue sauce, brown sauce etc. I'm not entirely sure how world-spread HP Sauce is! So it's meant to be a kind of pun. It probably died miserably though.)_

_Anyway, you got a problem with what or the way I write? I don't care. Tell someone's who's bothered. My opinion on flamers is in my bio, if you want to go and look at that. For anyone that does like the way and what I write though, please leave me some lovely reviews to brighten up my otherwise dull days. I've got bugger all to do between the time I finish exams and go to see Tafi._

_Constructive criticism is gratefully accepted also. Thank you muchly. Enjoy! _

_Oh yes, and if you have any questions about anything, don't hesitate to ask! Ciao!_

_Ok, just one more thing now, there will be sequels if anyone is interested, so you have been warned. :D _

_-----_

**Chapter 1 - Operation GULB**

"I'm sorry, Loz, it's going. End of."

"Why though?!?!?!"

"It's bad for your back. No wonder you're not sleeping properly, at the moment. As I said, it's going." Loz's mother, Jayne, (or 'Mutti', as Loz called her) turned her back on her daughter and continued loading up the dishwasher.

"But I don't _want_ a new bed! I love my bed!!"

"It's too old. You've had it since you were two! 14 years! That's far too long. Now, I've made my mind up, there's no point in whining at me. What I want you to do is move your bed, get all the crap out from underneath it and get the current bed ready for dismantling. You're new bed is being delivered around about 3 o'clock this afternoon."

"TODAY?! You mean I don't even get one last night with it?!"

"Lauren, _now_ please."

"You want me to actually go under that bed? See what's under there? Are you mental?! It's scary under there! Who knows what I'll find?! I think there's a family of refugees living under there. Not to mention a couple of spare dimensions."

"That would not surprise me in the least."

"Well, I'd better call in reinforcements."

-----

"Right, girls. This is Operation GULB. I seriously need your help." Loz had rung her three best friends, Moj, Beck and Clare, and was currently briefing them on their dangerous mission.

"GULB?" Moj repeated.

"Going Under Loz's Bed. I'm getting a new one this afternoon. Mutti wants me to tidy up and stuff."

"But Loz, you can't get rid of your bed! It's your bed! It can't go!" Beck said.

"I know. It brings tears to the eyes, doesn't it?"

"Er, hello! Is anyone else thinking about the fact that we have to tackle what's under there?!" Clare questioned, interrupting the sad moment. "Loz, you haven't looked under that bed for, literally, years! _Anything_ could be under there!"

"Try telling Mutti that. Anyway, that's why you're all here. I need you to help me."

"Do we have to?" Beck asked.

"What's in it for us?" Moj demanded, ever the gold-digger.

"Dearest Mojjen. I shall suffer to give you an equal share of the swag."

"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request… means no!"

"An equal share of the swag AND an Orli Bloom poster. Do we have an accord?"

"Savvy!" They hook hands and laughed. The other two rolled their eyes and waited to be included again. They were not quite so caught up as their friends in the piratey madness the summer of 2003 had brought.

"Well then…" Beck began nervously. "Are we ready?"

Moving a bed from one side of the room to the other and then tidying up what was underneath might sound like an easy task. But these four brave lasses knew the dangers of the job to be done. This was no ordinary bed. It was Loz's pride and joy (except for her Orlando Bloom shrine) and hadn't been moved for nearly eight years. Many a possession had been lost to the fearsome, dark depths of that inch gap between the floor and the bed's base. Nobody dared venture under the bed, or to pull it away from the wall, afraid of what they might reveal.

"1… 2… 3… push!" They pulled the heavy bed away from the wall.

"Oh… my… God!" said Loz. "That. Is. Disgusting." The navy-blue carpet was grey from all the dust that had collected under the bed. Many, many items of clothing, make-up, games, cutlery, jewellery, coursework, CD's etc. were retrieved. Teddies and photos were squashed and crumpled…

"Hey, my mascara from Year 7!" said Beck.

"My Moulin Rouge CD!" said Moj.

"My shoes!" said Clare.

"My God! I didn't think it'd be this bad!" said Loz. "It's worse than… what is that?"

"What's what?" Moj inquired.

"That." Loz stepped forward a little and pointed at the corner of the room formerly covered by the bed. It was a large, dark splodge. Black, so deep it seemed almost as if it weren't solid.

"You must have spilt something when you were in bed one night," said Clare.

"1) It would smell. 2) What do I drink that's black, Clare?"

"Good point." Beck grabbed a pen from Loz's desk and poked the blackness, to see how thick or runny or solid this weird thing was.

"WHAT THE HELL?!?!" She poked the skirting board and the pen went straight through, disappearing from sight as though it were submerged in thick goo.

"Cool! Let me try!" Moj said. She immersed her whole right arm into the nothingness, it disappearing from view as the pen had. Becky shrieked.

"That's not right! Moj, stop it! What does it feel like?"

"I can't feel anything. It's just like waving my arm about in mid air."

"Throw something in and see what happens," Loz suggested. Clare threw an orange at the black blotch. It carried on going as though there were naught but air to stop it, not making a sound or losing speed as it passed through the black.

"I didn't mean my orange, you bitch, I was going to eat that!"

"You should be more specific."

"Someone stick their head in, see if you can see anything," Moj said.

"NO!" exclaimed Clare. "Anything could happen!"

"I'll do it," Loz volunteered.

"Loz, don't!"

"Oh, be quiet. Nothing's going to happen. Mojjy's arm's fine, isn't it?" She knelt down and leant towards the black… thing. "I actually don't know if I want to do this now."

"Of course you do," Beck said, and pushed her best friend. Not only her head went through, but her whole body. Beck shrieked again.

"OH FUCK! WHAT DID I DO?!?!?!

"Loz! Loz, are you there?! Loz?! ANSWER, DAMMIT!!" Moj yelled.

"What if she's dead?" said Clare quietly.

"Oh, thanks for the optimism, Clare!"

"I'm being realistic. We don't know what that is or what it does."

"Well, there's only one way to find out." Moj jumped on the black patch and went straight through the floor. Clare's eyes widened horrifically.

"Ooh, that looks fun!" announced Beck, and she followed Moj's lead.

"Oh crap!" Clare moaned to herself, panicking majorly. "Oh buggering hell! What do I do now?! I can't leave them! But I should get Jayne. But then we might get in trouble… oh bugger it!" She grabbed a pen and quickly scrawled a note to Loz's mom, then joined her friends in falling through the black mystery, petrified for her life and wondering what the heck was about to happen to her…


	2. Well, this is definitely confusing

**Chapter 2 - Well, this is definitely… confusing**

Loz landed on a cold, hard floor, _very_ painfully. She just about managed to not knock herself senseless (not hat she had any sense to begin with).

"Owwwwwwww," she whimpered quietly. "Bloody, stupid, blonde woman! Ow! Pushing me - ow - into that - ow - bloody thing! Owie! I'm really, really - ooh, my orange - hurting and where the - ouchie - hell am I?" She attempted to get up, but failed as Moj landed squarely on top of her.

"Ooh, a cushion!" she said, and then looked down. "Oh- sorry, Loz."

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Beck landed with a heavy thud next to them, but appeared to be unaffected by the bruising bump.

"Beck, where's Clare?" Moj asked.

"Mojjy… can you get off me now…?" Loz croaked.

"Oopsie! Sorry, Loz!" She stood up. "Well, Beck?"

"I dunno."

"What do you mean, you don't know?!"

"… I don't know."

"Why the hell did you leave her there?! She'll be worried sick! You know what she's like!"

"It's not my fault! I just followed you! I thought she would too!" Clare landed gracefully on the floor next the arguing girls, looking slightly nauseous, and shuddered. "And I was right! HA!"

"Oh, that was horrible," Clare muttered. She looked up. "Why are we all wearing black robes?"

"What the…?!" cried Loz. "Yeah! Why _are_ we wearing black robes?"

"And why have you just dropped out of the ceiling?" asked a new voice. They all looked in the direction of the unknown person, and saw a tall, stern-looking woman standing in front of about 120 children, around 11-12 years old.

"Holy mother of cheese…" said Loz.

"Hogwarts…" said Clare.

"Blimey…" said Beck.

"Cool…" said Moj.

"Am I seeing things?" Clare queried.

"Don't think so…" said Loz.

"Would you care to answer?" the woman asked. "And who are you?"

"Mary-Jo Lawrence, Lauren Margetts, Clare Smyth and Rebecca Dyer," Clare introduced them, pointing at each in turn.

"Who are you?" Moj asked. Clare smacked her arm and frowned.

"Don't be rude."

"I am Professor McGonagall," the woman replied. "And I ask you again to explain your actions."

"Um, we don't actually know why we fell out the ceiling though," said Beck. "One minute we were looking under Loz's bed, then we all fell through this black stuff-"

"A portal," Clare interrupted.

"-fine. We fell through this portal and ended up here. Hurting." She looked up. "But there's no portal up there. Bugger! How do we get back?"

"Do we want to?" Loz asked distantly. She had caught the eye of a good-looking, black-haired boy at the front of the large group, and was grinning at him.

"A portal?" repeated the woman. "Well, this is definitely… confusing, and not in my line of work at all. Why you are wearing official school robes when you are, apparently, not from our world, is beyond me? You'll have to come with me and speak with the Headmaster after the Sorting Ceremony and the meal. Follow me."

"You three," Clare whispered, "there's something else different about us. But what is it?" They shook their heads and shrugged.

"Why does it not feel right that we look the same age as these kids?" Moj murmured. "I feel a lot older than 11 in my mind. Are we definitely 11 years old?"

"There's some freaky deaky business going on here," Loz determined. "I don't like it." A sly grin spread across her face. "I like him though." She pointed to the boy she'd been smiling at, who walked just ahead of them. Moj and Beck chuckled. Clare rolled her eyes. But nothing more could be said, because the doors of the Great Hall swung open.

After the Sorting Hat had sung its song, McGonagall began to read the list of names of the pupils, one by one, to be sorted. The girls waited with boredom at the back of the group. This could take a while, and they all presumed they'd be left out. Well, of course they would. They'd dropped through a portal. They weren't expected, no one knew they would be there. So when,

"Dyer, Rebecca" was called out (somewhat confusedly) by McGonagall, many jaws dropped.

"Well, go on then, you silly mare," Loz whispered. She stumbled forward uncertainly.

"GRYFFINDOR!" yelled the hat, when she put it on. She looked at her friends, bewildered, as she went to sit down and they shrugged. The next of the girls was Moj. She too got Gryffindor.

As it turned out, all four girls were placed in Gryffindor, but they were still very confused (though Loz was also very happy because that good-looking boy was in Gryffindor as well, they were still smiling at each other).

"I don't get it," Beck mused. "How can we be on the list? We're not meant to be here."

"Well, obviously, we _are_ because, otherwise, we wouldn't be on the list," replied Clare. "Think about it. We think our ages have been altered, we're on the list to attend the school, we've got all the stuff we need as though we've been here ages-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. But we're still not from here."

"Technically, we are. This is still earth and we're from earth. It might not be _our_ earth, but it is-"

"Don't get technical on us again, Clare," Loz broke in. "You know it only confuses us. Just agree that it doesn't make sense."

"Oh yes, it definitely does not make any sense at all in the slightest bit-"

"Too far."

"Sorry. But all I'm trying to say is-"

"Well, don't try to say anything. It's confusing. Stop."

"All right."

"There now. Not so hard, is it?"

"So… we're going to be pupils of Hogwarts then," Beck said, befuddled.

"Coooooooooool," said Moj.

"But we need wands," said Loz.

"We've already got them," Clare informed her.

"No, we-"

"Check inside your robes." They all pulled a wand out from the inner pocket of their robes, flabbergasted.

"Ok… I really don't get it," said Beck. "This is quite worrying, actually."

"This probably means we have luggage too," said Clare.

"And homes," said Loz.

"And money," said Moj.

"Is that all you ever think of?" Clare asked.

"No, I did have one other thought, earlier. But I've forgotten it now. Oh wait, I know, it's about forgetting."

"…huh?"

"We're from another, different earth, right?"

"Yes."

"But we still know about Hogwarts, yeah?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"What?"

"How do we know about Hogwarts? I can't remember."

"…you know, she's right, for once," said Beck. "We knew all about Hogwarts back home. But how? I don't remember anything from back home at all."

"Me neither," said Loz.

"Perhaps Hogwarts does exist back home," said Clare, "and we just weren't meant to go to that one. Maybe we're Squibs back home… oh, I don't know! Probably best not to think about it. Too confusing."

"But confusion can be fun." All four girls turned to see who had said this, as it wasn't one of them. A boy had seated himself next to Loz.

"Who are you?" Moj asked abruptly, exactly as she'd done to McGonagall.

"Moj, don't be rude!" Loz hissed. "Hi, sorry about her." It was the boy she'd been smiling at since they arrived.

"Don't worry about it. I'm Sirius. Sirius Black," he replied.

"I'm Lauren, but don't call me that though, I hate it. Call me Loz."

"Why? It's a nice name."

"Well, I still don't like it, so please, call me Loz. Anyway, this is Moj. That's Beck, and she's Clare."

"I'm pleased to meet you all."

"The pleasure will be all ours, I'm sure." She glanced at Moj and her eyes flashed. Moj giggled. She knew that was her friend's way of silently saying "He's hot!"

"So, you going to explain about your appearance then? It was pretty cool, dropping out of the ceiling like that."

"Well, we found this portal under Lox's bed," Beck explained. "I accidentally pushed her through it-"

"Accidentally, my arse," Loz muttered.

"-anyway, she fell through, so we came after her. Suddenly, we've got wands, school robes, places at Hogwarts and we look 11."

"What do you mean, _look_ 11?" Sirius questioned.

"Well, we think we might actually be a fair bit older than this back home," said Clare. "We're not sure, we don't really remember anything about where we're from, but we all feel a lot older than we look."

"How old do you think you are?"

"Probably… 16ish."

"It's scary," said Beck.

"I think it's cool. Weird, but cool," said Moj.

"It's certainly… different," said Sirius. "But different is good. Makes life interesting. You do realise you'll be _the_ topic of conversation of weeks now, don't you? Maybe even months!"

"Oh great," Clare groaned.

"Oh, be quiet, it's cool!" said Loz.

"You would say that."

"She likes to be centre of attention," Moj told Sirius. "We all do, except Clare, but she's the worst for it and the one that gets away with it most. Bitch."

"That makes two of us," Sirius put in.

"You're just jealous, Mojjy," Loz teased lightly, "because I get lots of attention when I want it and you don't."

"Because you're such a bloody loud mouth, no one can get a word in edgeways."

"Speak for yourself, mate."

"You know she's right, Loz," said Beck.

"What is this? National 'Pick On Loz Day'?"

"Just leave her be," Clare instructed the other two girls. "You know she'll only make your lives living hell otherwise."

"Yeah, because she's evil," said Moj.

"I'm not evil! I'm just misunderstood."

"How you didn't get put in Slytherin, I'll never know."

"Who's being evil now?" She turned back to Sirius, who was chuckling to himself. "I'm not really evil, you know. Well, not to people I like, anyway."

"Remind me never tot get on the wrong side of you then," he laughed.

"I'm sure you'd make a worthy opponent."

"You'd bitch him to death, Loz," said Beck.

"Ignore them."

"That'll be sort of hard since they're pulling faces at you now," he said, laughing again.

"You're so immature," she told her friends, haughtily.

"Hey, we're only 11 years old, we're allowed to be," defended Beck, sticking her tongue out.

"You don't see Sirius being silly, do you?"

"I can be if you want me to be."

"Please don't. Not until we know you better. They'll just play up even more otherwise, and they'll be unbearable."

"Anyone would think she was the oldest," said Clare.

"I'm just mature, is all."

"PAH!" cried Beck. "You? Mature? PAH!!"

"I'll take it she's not then," said Sirius.

"If you believe that, you'll believe anything," Loz giggled. His grin widened.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I think we're going to get along well.

"I certainly hope so…"


	3. I think we're going to like it here

_E/N: Yes, it's an out of place song, but every so often the girls drag fragments of memory out of the recesses of their minds, as will later on be proved. It is a song the girls know from their own time and has surfaced randomly. It is one of my favourite songs, but then again it would be! ;) Anyway, on with the show._

_-----_

**Chapter 3 - I think we're going to like it here**

When the meal was ended, respective house Prefects led the first years to the Common Rooms. People were beginning to mingle and talk and befriend one another. Friendship groups were in the making and it was very obvious who the girls would now be sticking with. Sirius had introduced the girls to his best friend, James Potter, and they were getting along like a house on fire.

Clare was feeling a little left out. The two lads and three girls were laughing raucously and making quite a scene without realising it, attracting the majority of the room's attention. She didn't feel comfortable at all. She'd always been the quiet one, never liking the limelight; sitting with five very loud, over-powering people only made her more reclusive.

Eventually losing any scrap of interest in the group that she may have had in the first place, she scanned the room to see what else was going on. It was then that she noticed a boy sitting on his own in one of the darker corners of the room. 'You know what?' she thought. 'I'm going to go over there and speak to him. It can't be that hard. _They_ do it all the time. I'm going to have the confidence for once.' Usually she was the one that waited for people to approach her, but she held a lot of pity for that shy boy in the corner. It looked as though most people hadn't even noticed he was in the room, and much as he didn't seem bothered, she thought it highly unfair that he should be the only person to not make a friend.

"Hi," she said as she approached, making him jump slightly.

"Oh, hi," he replied.

"Er, you looked a bit lonely and I felt it, so I thought I'd come and talk to you."

"I guess I am a little bored. You get used to being ignored though."

"I know the feeling. Have you seen what they're all like?"

"It's kinda hard not to." They both chuckled.

"I'm Clare, by the way. Clare Smyth."

"Remus Lupin. Pleased to meet you."

"Pleased to meet you too." There was then an awkward silence between them that was rudely broken by Loz.

"OOH! CRA'S FOUND HERSELF A FELLA!!" They both blushed deeply and the five attention-seekers fell about laughing. "Come on then, darlin', introduce us, don't be rude now."

"This is, er, Remus. Remus Lupin," Clare mumbled.

"Pleased to meet you, Remie!!"

"Um, hi," he responded bashfully.

"Come and sit with us, dear, don't be a loner."

"He's not a loner," Clare retorted hotly, "I'm talking to him." Loz grinned.

"Exactly."

"…what are you saying?!?! I'm a person! I'm made of flesh and bone! I'm human!"

"Are you? I thought you were a walking dictionary."

"… shut up!"

"Make me." Loz loved winding Clare up.

"I won't even dignify that with a response."

"Only 'cause you know you can't! HA!"

"Grow up, Lauren."

"I've told you not to call me that! Stop it!"

"Make me."

"Don't tempt me."

"… sorry."

"That's more like it."

"See," said Moj, "I told you she's evil."

"You're telling me," said James.

"Stop calling me evil!" Loz whined.

"Stop _being_ evil and we will," said Clare. "It isn't difficult."

"Why am I evil?"

"You just are," said Moj. "Now face facts and deal with it."

"No need to be bitchy."

"Why not? You are. And I'm only learning from the best." Loz grinned again.

"Well, what can I say? I'm a first class bitch, why not take advantage of it? I like to take advantage of things," she added to Sirius with a wink. He flushed slightly and smirked back.

"Stop flirting, Loz," Moj instructed. "If you want to get in his pants, then tell us and we'll evacuate the Common Room for the both of you. Nice, big, open fire there for you, you'll be well away." Whilst laughing, and with burning cheeks, she retorted.

"Mary-Jo Elizabeth, that is no way for an 11-year old to talk!"

"Ahhh, but neither of us are 11 in mind, are we?"

"Too true, darlin'."

"But I think we should stop now. Look how much we made poor Sirius blush!!" Loz giggled as she watched him trying to avoid eye contact with everyone, his cheeks glowing brilliantly in the firelight. James strode over and shook her hand.

"I never thought I'd see the day when someone made the infamous Sirius Black blush! I didn't even think it possible! Consider me completely in your debt now. Well done!"

"It's not a bad life really," Loz mused in general. "I've been here a handful of hours and already boys are indebted to me. I guess there is a God after all."

"Loz, pack it in, you're seriously starting to get out of hand," warned Clare.

"Oh, stop being a spoil sport. It's only a bit of fun. They know I'm only joking, don't you, boys?" They laughed and nodded. "See!"

"NO!" came a panicky cry from behind them, suddenly. They all turned to see what was happening and who dared take the attention away from them. Beck was curled up asleep on a chair. She was talking in her sleep.

"NO! No, Mr. Banana, don't eat me! Please don't eat me! Banana's eat cheese, not me's!!!!" The whole room erupted into hysterical laughter, thus waking her up. "Huh? What? … eh… why you laughin' for? Eh? What? Wha's funny?" she asked sleepily.

"Nothing, sweetie," laughed Loz. "You're obviously knackered, why don't you go to bed, hun?"

"I don't want to. I'll be on my own."

"Well, you were talking in your sleep again, so it's either go to bed or stay awake."

"I'll stay awake."

"You mean she does this a lot?" Sirius asked, wiping away tears of mirth.

"All the frigging time!" said Moj.

"Just be thankful you haven't got to share a room with her," Clare informed them.

"Loz, will you plait my hair for me, please?" Beck said abruptly, eager to get the conversation topic away from her and onto something else. "I can't do it myself, not properly."

"Sure." Loz went over and started to style her friend's hair as requested. This was a very precise art for Loz, every strand had it's place, and if it wasn't in it's place, she had to start over. This always meant it took her ages.

As was her wont when concentrating, Loz began humming absent-mindedly, her ass beginning to sway in time with the beat. And, as per usual, that humming got a little louder, then she began singing quietly, which also got louder. Soon, Moj and Beck cottoned on and joined in quietly, then they got louder. By the end of the song, they were all singing at the top of their voices, dancing away with each other, and everyone else was gawking at them, unable to believe their ears.

"I'll meet you in the Red Room   
Close the door and dim the lights   
I will be yours truly  
If indeed the price is right  
So draw your sword, be my King  
Let your passions rise and sing  
Just show me the diamonds  
And I'll let you wear my ring

So just lay down beside me let us consummate  
I know you're bursting let me help you deflate  
If you want a plug in for a high voltage connection  
Show me cold hard cash and I will turn on my affections

Then we'll… ohh ahh ahh!  
Do you wanna have fun?  
I'll let you… ahh ahh ahh!  
Just a little… oh!

So don't hesitate I won't kiss and tell  
No need to worry 'cause I'm a professional  
The show can start as soon as I see money on the table  
I've an empty space to fill I'm willing if you're able

Then we'll… ohh ahh ahh!  
Do you wanna have fun?  
I'll let you… ahh ahh ahh!  
Just a little… oh!

I'll meet you in the Red Room  
Close the door and dim the lights  
I will be yours truly  
If indeed the price is right  
So draw your sword, be my King  
Let your passions rise and sing  
Just show me the diamonds  
And I'll let you wear my ring

I'll let you… ooh… let you wear my ring  
We can… ooh… let you were my ring  
Come on and… ooh… let you wear my ring  
I'll let you… ooh… let you wear my ring  
  
Ooh ooh meet you in the Red room…"

The room burst into applause. Every male in the room (even the shy ones) was cheering and stamping his feet and clapping. Every other female looked disgusted and offended, but they applauded the three first years' courage and idiocy in actually performing that little number.

"We're already in a red room!" someone called to the girls.

"Does this one count?" cried another.

"We're all able!!" The girls looked at each other.

"Right, bedtime now, me thinks," said Beck.

"I agree," said Moj.

"I'm a little tired after that too," said Loz, unable to wipe the grin off her face from the focus that was on them. "Night all! Night James, night Remus, night Sirius. See you all at breakfast!!" And so, it was Loz's reputation that grew from that night on, as she was the only one that didn't deny anything said about her.

-----

Clare was the first to awaken the next morning. She looked around the dorm and at the three sleeping forms in the other beds. She smiled. 'I think I'm going to like it here,' she thought.

She got up and dressed before waking the others.

"Come on, girls, up you get!" she said loudly. "You'll be late otherwise!"

"For what?" Loz croaked moodily from within her cocoon of duvet.

"School, of course."

"Fuck off. It's summer."

"Not here it's not, hun. We've got our first day of lessons at Hogwarts today-"

"Whoop-de-fucking-doo."

"-and, knowing you, you'll be wanting to see Sirius before lessons start so you can flirt shamelessly with him and stake your claim, just to make sure no other females get any ideas." That was all the prompting Loz needed. She leapt up and fell off the bed, still wrapped up in her cover.

"Ow, shit," was the pained muffle that came forth from the heap on the floor. She disentangled herself hastily, grabbed her robes and sped into the bathroom, getting Beck up in the process.

"Moj, you have to get up," said Clare. "There's no choice about it." Moj grunted, rolled onto her other side and pulled the covers over her head.

"Right, she's just asking for it now," Beck. "Girls, who wants the honour?"

"ME!!" yelled Loz, emerging from the bathroom bright-eyed, conniving and, most importantly, dressed, armed with a bowl of cold water. "On the count of three," she directed. She stood above Moj. "1… 2… 3!" Beck and Clare pulled the covers back and Loz poured the water on Moj's head. The formerly sleeping girl screamed and sat bolt upright.

"FUCKING HELL!!! Alright, I'm up!!!! For Christ's sake!"

"Good," said Beck. "Can't be missing school now, can we?"

"Who says?" Clare glared at her. "Oh, bloody hell, alright."

"Well, that was refreshing," Loz said, to no one in particular.

"Bully for you," Moj grumbled.

When the girls finally made it downstairs to the Great Hall, they were greeted by two, bright, smiling faces, one less bright one and an unknown one.

"Morning!" said Loz cheerfully, seating herself next to Sirius.

"Good morning to you too!" Sirius replied, just as cheerfully.

"Girls, this is Peter Pettigrew," said James, indicating the unknown boy. "Peter, this is Moj, Clare, Loz and Beck."

"Hi," he squeaked.

"He's in the dorm with me, Siri and Remus."

"Grand," said Beck.

"Yep. It's all great stuff," said Sirius. "So, what have we got first lesson?"

"Double Transfiguration," Clare and Remus said together.

"I think we know who'll be doing all our homework," Moj whispered to James. He grinned and nodded.

"Double?" whined Beck.

"With the Slytherins," Loz added.

"Oh, great," said Peter.

"That'll be fun," Clare said unenthusiastically.

"It will if I've got anything to do with it," Loz said with a mischievous smirk. Clare narrowed her eyes on her.

"What are you plotting?"

"Now that, my darling, would be telling, wouldn't it? And where's the fun in that? You'll just have to wait and see, just like everyone else."

"Whatever it is, can I help in any way?" Sirius queried.

"Hmm… well… actually… come here a minute." They moved a few seats up the table, away from the others, whispering to each other.

"I don't trust her in the slightest," Clare said suspiciously.

"But that's what makes it fun," said Beck. "You never know what she'll do next!"

"Then Merlin bless our souls, because enlisting Sirius' help will only make matters worse," said James. "Much worse." Sirius burst out laughing, causing them all to look.

"Don't mind us," Loz said, smiling sweetly, then continued to whisper.

"I think we'll all know which two are going to be stuck together like glue for the next seven years," said Beck.

"Yeah, and you know what Loz is like," added Moj, "she'll probably make it more than just best friends."

"Well, Sirius definitely likes her," said James.

"Really?!" Beck said excitedly.

"Yep. Told me last night. He said if nothing else, he at least wants to be a really good mate to her."

"Well, nobody bother with either of them at any point then," said Clare. "They've got each other now. We're out of the picture."

"I don't know who I pity more," said Moj.

"Here, here," said Beck. Loz and Sirius finally rejoined them, sniggering whenever they caught each other's eye.

"Make sure you don't drink too much now," Loz informed them, "else you'll be wetting yourself later."

"She is pure genius!" Sirius told James. "You can guarantee yourself a good day today."

"I think we're going to like it here."


	4. Crime and punishment

_E/N: I got impatient. I was going to wait for more reviews, but you two love this, so here you go, girlies. Enjoy!_

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**Chapter 4 - Crime and Punishment**

"I'm quite excited you," said Clare to Remus as they walked to their first lesson. "Al these new lessons. It's great!"

"I will agree that it's interesting," said Moj, butting in, "but not exciting."

"Well said, Moj," Loz chuckled, walking next to Sirius, her new partner in crime.

"Well, I think it is," said Clare defensively.

"I do too," said Remus, "although they're not as new to me as they are to you."

"You two are just sad though," said Moj.

"Awww, they're not that bad really, Moj," said Beck. "They're a little bookish, yeah, but, well I can't say about Remus, but Clare's one of your best friends. If she was that sad, you'd have ditched her ages ago."

"Nah, Moj isn't that nasty," said Loz.

"You are though," said Moj.

"Yeah, you're probably right, which obviously means Clare isn't- OW!" She walked straight into the back of someone holding many books, knocking them and the books on the floor. "Oh, I'm sorry!!" She began to help him pick up the books. "I'm really sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going. Let me help you-"

"I don't want your help, mudblood!" he spat. Her concerned gaze hardened into an ice cold, steely glare. There were several sharp intakes of breath around them.

"What did you just call me?" she growled. He stood and met her glare.

"I called you a mudblood."

"Yeah, I thought there was something in there that pissed me off." She punched the boy hard, knocking him to the ground again. She stormed into the Transfiguration classroom that was just ahead.

"You'll regret saying that," Sirius warned him angrily and went after Loz, the other six following shortly after ward.

"Loz?" Moj tested as they entered the room. She was slamming her books on the table. Moj sat one side of her, Sirius sat the other.

"That fucking greasy slimeball bastard!!!" Moj sighed.

"You are alright then. Phew. For a moment, I thought you were upset."

"Of course I'm bloody upset! Didn't you hear what he called me?! Slimey bastard!" Tears were shining in her eyes, but she blinked them back.

"This doesn't look like upset to me. It looks like angry. Real angry."

"I'm going to make that git pay!" She leant over and whispered something to Sirius. He nodded and started laughing. "We'll save the other one for another day."

"Fine by me!" he replied.

"Well done, Loz," James said, who'd sat next to Sirius.

"Where'd you learn to punch like that?" Clare asked, trying to hide how impressed she was behind a mask of disapproval.

"I know basic self defence. Someone must have taught me back home."

"Came in useful," said Moj.

"Are you sure you should have hit him?" Beck asked.

"What?! Yes, of course I am!" Loz cried. "The greasy git deserved it!!"

"He's not _that_ greasy." She got evil glares from everyone. "…ok, so he is."

"He's a greasy ugly bastard!! Urgh! I need to look at something gorgeous so I can nurse my eyes back to health." She looked at Sirius quickly and grinned, though she blushed slightly.

"That was subtle," Moj chuckled, rolling her eyes.

"She's got the right idea though," said Beck.

"Oi, hands off," Loz growled, without thinking. Her eyes widened and she blushed more deeply this time. She hadn't actually meant to say that, at all. She twisted in her seat, away from Sirius, and hid her face. She didn't see him grinning maniacally.

During all this, they hadn't noticed the classroom fill up, awaiting their teacher. So the sharp cry of,

"Settle down!" made them all jump. They all took seats and those who hadn't already got out their books and (in Beck's case) pencil cases.

"You're all rather restless today," McGonagall said loudly, making them jump again. "I hope for your own sake that it is just first day jitters. Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogwarts. Anyone messing around in my class will leave and not return. You have been warned. Now then, I shall give you a demonstration, then you shall be taking notes. If you are well behaved in the lesson, we may have time for some practical work." She changed her desk into a pig and back again. They were all very impressed and couldn't wait to get started, but soon realised they wouldn't be changing furniture into animals for a long time. After making a lot of complicated notes, they were each given a match and started trying to turn it into a needle. That is, most of the class were.

Loz looked at Sirius and he grinned at her and nodded.

"Do you know what to do?" he asked quietly, not so loudly as McGonagall could hear.

"I think so."

"Sure?" He whispered in her ear and she nodded.

"Yeah, I got it." Moj looked at them strangely, wishing she knew what they were up to.

Loz scanned her the room and her eyes locked onto the offending boy from earlier. He was positioned perfectly. He sat on the other side of the room, but he was on the aisle seat, three rows ahead of her. She discretely pointed her wand at him…

A few seconds later, the boy yelped and leapt to his feet. The class roared with laughter.

"That wasn't meant to happen…" Sirius gasped confusedly as he laughed. Loz leapt to her feet.

"HA! Take that, you greasy ratbag!!" She had, somehow, managed to make his clothes completely disappear.

"Oh shit! Loz!" Sirius cried, without thinking. "You blew our cover! …oh bollocks!" Moj was staring glassy eyes at nothing in particular.

"If those are considered bollocks, my life isn't going to be as interesting as I originally thought…"

"DETENTION!!!" McGonagall screeched. "For indecent language and bullying another student! Honestly! Never in all my years…! Mr. Snape, will you cover yourself up, boy! And 20 points EACH from Gryffindor!!" The boy, Snape, was searching frantically for something, anything, he deemed adequate enough to cover himself, though to him, nothing seemed substantial.

"Here you go!" Beck called. She grabbed what she thought was her pencil case and threw it, only realising after she'd released it that it was actually her quill that she'd thrown, which made the class laugh even harder. "OOPSIE!! Sorry!" She threw the correct item this time. Her fluffy, pink, bunny-shaped, pencil-case.

McGonagall took off her emerald green cloak and gave it to Snape.

"Come with me!" she snapped. She led him to the door. "Anymore pranks like this and you'll be out of the school quicker than you can say Godric Gryffindor!" The door slammed shut behind her.

The class went into a renewed fit of hysterical laughter. There were hoots and cheered as Loz and Sirius stood up and bowed, then turned to each other and shook hands and then hugged triumphantly.

"That'll teach the bastard," said Loz.

"A job well done, I think," Sirius stated. However, their proud grins lessened somewhat when they saw the looks Remus and Clare were giving them.

"What?" Loz asked innocently.

"You know damn well what!" Clare barked. "You stupid girl! Why? Why did you do that?!"

"Well, that wasn't actually what-

"You've lost Gryffindor 60 house points, got yourselves a detention, got Moj a detention when she wasn't even involved, embarrassed that Snape boy, and you haven't even been here 24 hours yet!"

"I know, it's great, isn't it?!"

"No it is not!" Loz and Sirius flinched slightly. "It was idiotic and childish!!"

"But it was funny though," Moj attempted to defend her friends.

"Be that as it may, she is in serious trouble already! I thought she had more sense than that!" Beck snorted.

"I think it was very clever," said James. "Certainly showed him."

"Don't encourage them, James," Clare said sharply.

"Not that it's stopping there," said Sirius.

"What do you mean?" Clare and Remus said together.

"Well, I'm not letting him get away with what he did."

"But he hasn't got away with it, though," said Remus.

"We're going to make him suffer sooooo much before we graduate in seven years time," said Loz smugly.

"We certainly are," Sirius agreed. "You with us, J?"

"Every step, mate," replied James with a grin.

"Me too!" said Moj.

"Me three!" squeaked Peter.

"I'm not having anything to do with this," Clare said archly.

"I'm staying out of it," said Remus.

"Beck?" Loz asked expectantly.

"Where'd he put my pencil case?"

-----

That evening, Loz, Moj and Sirius stood in the trophy room, boredly, awaiting their instructions. Loz and Sirius had decided against any more pranks that day, otherwise they knew McGonagall really would have their guts for garters.

"I'm bored already and we're not even doing anything yet," Moj moaned.

"Well, whoever is meant to be here is already 10 minutes late," said Sirius.

"Let's hope they don't turn up then," said Loz cheerfully.

"How can you be happy at a time like this?" Moj asked incredulously.

"I had ginger cake for pudding," she giggled girlishly. Sirius looked confused. Moj smacked her hand off her forehead.

"Ginger cake makes her hyper," the exasperated girl explained.

"Hyper Loz? Hmmm, well, this should be interesting. How bad does she get?"

"Just don't let her touch anything. Then she can't break or burn it. Or both."

"Oh. Alright then." McGonagall and the caretaker, Filch, entered before anything else could be said or done.

"I'm sorry we're late," she said. "I was waylaid on my way here. Mr. Filch will be watching you tonight. Your punishment is cleaning every trophy by hand. No magic."

"No magic?" Sirius repeated.

"That's right, Mr. Black. Hopefully this will prevent you from any more performances such as today's."

"Like hell it will," Moj muttered under her breath.

"How long do you want us to stay, Professor?" Loz asked.

"As long as it takes, Miss Margetts."

"Very well, Professor. But, before you leave, may I impress upon you how sincerely sorry we are for our actions this morning. They were childish and uncalled for. I must learn to control my temper." McGonagall looked mildly impressed. Sirius and Moj were stunned.

"Well, if that's the case, then perhaps from now on we shall see an improvement in behaviour. I'm told you and Mr. Black continued to be disruptive in other lessons. You were told several times in each lesson to stop talking and carried on anyway."

"I'm sorry about that too, Professor. But, if you'll forgive me for stating the obvious, my friends and I aren't from this world. It is natural that everyone - including us - will have questions that want answering."

"Questions should be asked in your own free time if they have nothing to do with the subject you are studying."

"Yes, Professor. We are sorry, Professor."

"Well, get on with it then." McGonagall walked out.

"What was all that about?" Moj asked, but Filch didn't give Loz a chance to answer.

"If you three think you can slack or have idle chit-chat just because I'm not a Professor, you're wrong," Filch said sharply. "Any slacking and I'll get you down to the dungeons for some proper punishment… oh, how I miss the screams." Moj wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"That's illegal," Loz stated.

"No it's not. Corporal punishment is well within the law."

"But Dumbledore doesn't allow it in this school," Sirius said boldly.

"Yes, but after some proper punishment, none of you will be in any frame of mind to go squealing to the Head. now, get scrubbing!!" The three student weren't about to test the sincerity of his words and so, got to work.

"I really don't want tot do this," Moj moaned under her breath.

"But think of it this way, the faster we work, the faster we're out of here," said Loz.

"Good point."


End file.
